Trust me, a breakup is no time to slack off.
While it can be tempting to turn inward and wallow in your personal pity bonanza (especially when you’re going through one of the most painful experiences of your life) there are plenty of loving, caring folks out there who want nothing more than for you to snap out of it. Especially if you’re looking to get yourself out of the self-pitying mindset.
How To Get Over a Breakup
One of the hardest parts of a breakup is the inescapable feeling that everyone knows about your love life and that you are meant to be miserable. You periodically check in with people online, wondering if they were really just being nice or if they were supportive of your pain and lamenting.
Sometimes even though your friends know how unhappy you are, they can still be really mean about it. Remember, you’re sharing personal information here, which means giving up control over what the world thinks about you in exchange for a little physical and emotional comfort.
While it’s sometimes necessary to overlook the petty stuff, this is not one of those times. So buckle up for a wild ride through the process of recovery from a breakup where I give a real talk about what it takes to move past pain, anxiety and depression — no pajamas required.
If you’re tired of wallowing in self-pity, ready to make big changes in your life, and have read enough (OK, maybe too much) internet advice on how you can “take control” of your emotions and get back out there—then let’s start talking about how to get over a breakup.
Be kind to yourself
The first step toward knowing how to get over a breakup is being kind to yourself, not just because it’s un-hip or uncool, to be self-aware. And this doesn’t mean you should stay in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself or wallow in self-pity (unless that’s what you want). It means taking some time for yourself without guilt or obligation—so that you can move on from losing the relationship without feeling guilty about leaving it for whatever reason(s).
It sounds simple enough, but talking about a breakup can be really hard. It takes time to process what happened, and you may even have conflicting feelings about the breakup itself.
You may not want to talk about it at all.
The best way to get over a breakup faster is to talk about it with someone who cares about you and can offer support.
Stop dwelling on the past
The past is gone. It’s not going to come back.
If you want to move on with your life, you need to let go of the past and focus on what’s happening.
You’ve probably been told repeatedly that you should “move on” or “get over it”. But what does that actually mean? When I was on the other side of a breakup, these were some of the things I heard from friends and family about how to get over a breakup:
- Don’t give up on them.
- You should try again.
- Maybe you’ll meet someone else.
- It’s not worth feeling sad about.
Dwelling on the past will only make you feel more negative about yourself and keep your mind focused on what happened instead of focusing on what’s happening now. Take a step back from every situation and figure out if something can be done differently next time so that things don’t get worse than they already are or stay the same (hopefully better).
Don’t put off talking to the other person
In order for a breakup to be effective, both parties have to agree on the end of the relationship.
If one person is pushing for closure and the other isn’t, it’s probably not going to work out too well for either person.
And if you’re not ready for a new relationship, then it’s OK not to talk about it at all.
Do something fun
If there’s a chance that your ex might come back into your life again, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have fun while they’re gone!
Go out with friends or family members you haven’t seen in a while, or even try something new, like hiking or volunteering at an animal shelter.
By doing something new and fun instead of dwelling on what happened between you two, you’ll be able to focus on yourself again instead of thinking about how much better things were with your ex before this whole thing happened right now.
Don’t obsess over their actions
It’s natural for people to wonder if they did something wrong or hurt their partner’s feelings. But it’s important not to dwell on those thoughts.
“People who obsess over what happened are more likely to find themselves back at square one,” says O’Reilly, a Clinical Psychologist. Instead of thinking about what went wrong, focus on what’s right with your life now and how to get over a breakup — like how much happier and more fulfilled you feel when you’re single than when you were in a relationship with someone else.
You want closure on the breakup, don’t you?
The sooner you get that closure, the sooner you can move on and focus on your next relationship.
So make sure you talk with your ex(es) and let them know what you’re feeling, how you’re feeling and why it’s important for both of you to move forward with your lives.
Can’t think of anything fun to do?
Just go out, have some drinks with friends and have an awesome night out!
This will help take your mind off of things while also giving you something fun to look forward to in the future when you start feeling better after getting over this new phase in life.
Don’t ignore the pain!
Breaking up with someone is going to be hard, and you’re going to feel like your world has come crashing down. But you have to keep moving forward if you want to get over this heartbreak faster.
Your anxiety over the breakup will only make things worse, so try not to let it get in the way of your recovery process. Don’t focus on what’s wrong with your ex but instead use those emotions as fuel for your own healing process.
Take time for yourself, go for walks or go for a run, whatever works for you.
How to get over a breakup? Be honest about what happened
It can be tempting to keep quiet about what went wrong in an attempt to spare your partner’s feelings or avoid hurting their feelings by talking about how bad you feel about breaking up with them.
But if you don’t tell anyone what happened, it’s going to be harder for both of you when you do eventually decide that getting back together is something worth considering again down the road (which is probably sooner rather than later).
You don’t want to go through this phase alone because it is very painful and difficult to handle all by yourself. However, if you keep your friends close and talk about everything that’s going on in your life, they will help you cope with the situation faster.
You need support from friends who are not dating anyone at this time because they understand how you feel and can cheer you up when things get difficult.